Some of you are dating married people and you don’t even know it. No, I’m not talking about on paper. I’m talking about in their heart. You’re connected to someone who’s still connected to their ex, and now they’ve brought you into this spiritual threesome or love triangle if you will, without your consent. But now you feel like it’s too late, because you’re all in. Your feelings aren’t the only thing involved. You’ve invested your time, energy and money, amongst other things, and now, your heart doesn’t want to let go. Listen, I understand your frustration, but don’t stab a cake, unless you’re cutting me a slice, and don’t stab anyone or anything else either. Give the cake to me, and let’s talk about it. Now, you may be wondering, “How did I get here? How did I fall for someone who has fallen for someone else, or who was already in love with someone else?” As you sit and think, you may begin to remember red flags that you’ve ignored along the way. You may have ignored some inconsistencies here, or a few excuses there, but you never put two and two together. Maybe it’s because you knew something didn’t add up, but you didn’t want to assume, or maybe you chose to see only what you wanted to see. Either way, that’s neither here nor there, because you need to know what to do now that the cat is finally out of the bag.
I know it’s ugly, uncomfortable, and it hurts right now, but don’t act out of your feelings. I know it’s unfair that this person began a new chapter with you, when they hadn’t closed the previous chapter of their life, but you must figure out what you’re going to do next. No, don’t wring their neck… I know you want to, but listen. Learn from this situation, and become better for it. Don’t hold on to resentment, bitterness, anger or any feeling that’s counterproductive to your walk with Christ, and finding that special someone, who’s just for you. The last thing you want is to carry this person who is now your ex, and the pain they’ve caused you, along with you into a new relationship. After all, that’s exactly what they did! You need time to heal, and getting over a soul tie takes a while, but with the help of the Holy Spirit you will be able to release that person so that you’re free to experience real love. So, you may be waiting on a list of things to do, once you’ve found out, you’ve been played. Picking up the pieces isn’t easy, but you can do this if you really want to, God will give you the strength you need to walk away. Just remember, healing takes time. Don’t try to rush through it, the main thing you need to do is focus on getting through it, by taking things a day at a time. So, the first thing you need to do, is stop looking for that person to give you closure. They’ve made their decision about being with whoever they chose to be with, you don’t need to know why they made that decision, and I know that this may hurt, but they aren’t sorry for it. So, stop waiting on an apology. Don’t try to reach out and talk to them about how the two of you could possibly make it work. Don’t ask them if it was something you did wrong. Don’t ask them to meet you, call you, or text you, don’t message them on social media, let them be, because they’ve said everything they wanted to say to you, through their actions. If they wanted to communicate anything verbally, then they would’ve been honest up front, instead of leading you on. Instead, they’ve shown you better than they could tell you. So, take the hint and begin to move forward with your healing. It may sound harsh, but it is what it is. This is your peace of mind we’re talking about. I know it hurts, but you must forgive them, forgive yourself and move forward. When someone breaks your heart, it’s easy to feel as though they owe you something. You feel like you need an apology, explanation or something from that person to help you move forward, but as long as you’re looking to them, you will never be able to truly move on with your life. You will never have peace as long as you feel like they owe you something. You owe yourself everything you want them to give to you. So, close that chapter yourself. If you don’t, you may leave an open door that you’ll never be able to completely walk away from. The second thing you need to do is focus on you. Find out who you are outside of being in a relationship or in this case situationship. Occupy your time. You don’t want to become idle and stay in your feelings, or loneliness will tell you to settle for less than you deserve, which oftentimes leads to dead end relationships. To keep you from drunk texting your ex, or dating someone else who you know isn’t right for you, start doing more of the things you love, and start spending more time with the people in your life who loves you. Focus on what you have left. If you don’t have a hobby, find one. Read and study the Bible. Develop a deeper relationship with God. Treat yourself to a date. Start that business venture. Sometimes, certain things has to fall apart, so that something much better can come together. The third thing you need to do is remember that it wasn’t a loss, it was a lesson. Therefore, learn from it. Don’t blame yourself, but be honest with yourself about signs you may have ignored. Were you emotionally ready for a relationship? Were you following your flesh or the Holy Spirit? Even if they played the part really well, and you had no inclination that they were playing you, until they walked away, learn from it. If the only thing you learned was to ask more questions, then in the next relationship, ask more questions. It’s always something that you can take from a bad situation and use it to become better in the next. So, that’s only three things. I could give you a gazillion, probably, but for the sake of time I won’t. Anyway, these three things can help you heal and become free to love again, but ultimately your healing, growth and success is all up to you. ❤️