If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go! It could be the best thing that ever happened to you. Holding on to the wrong person can keep you from the right one, or even delay your blessings. Let them move out of your way, so that you can see clearly. Sometimes, the very person you’re holding on to is your biggest distraction.

Don’t be a person who tries to make everyone or even one person love you. You can’t make anyone treat you right, love you, or be loyal to you. Accept the fact that a part of growing is accepting the fact that you will grow apart from some people. Some of these people will be friends or family members. Not everyone can go where God is taking you.

So, if they leave, bid them farewell, and continue to keep on keeping on. What God has for you, is for you, whether it’s a relationship, job, healing and wholeness, financial breakthrough, or whatever you need. God is the Source. Everything else is a resource. Depend on no one but God alone, and remember, if God is all you have, you have EVERYTHING, that you need. ❤️

Read my book, “How to let go and let God.”

Some people try to “control” their current relationship because they were hurt in the past and that pain left them feeling powerless. So, they build walls, become uncompromising, manipulative or even run, in order to protect themselves from being hurt again; but truth is, they’ve never healed. They are hurting themselves by dwelling on the pain and allowing what should have been a lesson to become their life. You can’t “control” love. Love is freeing, and it’s organic. People mess it up when they move too fast, or interfere with the natural growth process of the relationship by trying to make their new relationship what the old one should’ve been. Look, this isn’t a “do over” with your ex. Give your current relationship a chance to grow and prosper. You can’t set unhealthy boundaries and come up with all these restrictions if you want someone to get close enough to truly get to know you. Get over what didn’t work out in the past and give your future a chance. For more insight, listen to my podcast by clicking the link below.⬇️⬇️⬇️

If you’re depressed, irritated or uneasy with them, then you can do without them! There’s a saying, “I can do bad all by myself.” If a person is already in a bad space before getting into a relationship, they don’t need someone who will bring them down any further! They need someone who will help lift them up! Now hear me on this, I’m not saying it’s up to anyone else (as far as people go) to make us happy or to “fix” us. What I am saying is this, a relationship should consist of two people uplifting each other. There shouldn’t be one doing the uplifting while the other is being idle, tearing that person down, or stepping all over the individual in order to lift themselves up! No! A relationship is a team effort. Now, will there always be happy days, absolutely not. Life will try you. Situations will test you, but the two of you must keep a healthy communication going, and fight together, not apart. Too many hearts are broken and relationships are failing because people want to fight the battles that arise within the relationship by themselves instead of together. It’s important to know yourself before entering into a relationship. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Know what demons you’re battling. Know what makes you happy and what doesn’t, but most importantly, be happy with yourself first! If you’re not happy with yourself, by yourself, then you’ll never be truly happy with anyone else. If you’re not whole by yourself, then a relationship will never make you complete. You must have peace of mind and love who you are first, or you will get with someone and depend on them to give you what you won’t even give yourself! Is that fair? No way! That’s how you lose yourself in other people, and that’s how you get into a relationship with someone who takes away your smile or leaves you confused, walking on egg shells or depressed. You gotta give yourself everything that you require someone else to give you. If you require love, respect and honesty, then love yourself, respect yourself and be honest with yourself first. Great relationships takes preparation. You must be a wife or a husband long before the marriage. Marriage should definitely be the goal, otherwise, what are you doing? No relationship is perfect, but healthy relationships consist of people who love God and love themselves. This is the only way you can be capable of truly loving others. The two people should also communicate often and build as a team. “A house divided amongst itself cannot stand.” (See Matthew 12:25) That not only pertains to spiritual relationships but any relationship. You must be on the same page. You must be equally yoked, again, not just on a spiritual level, but on a mental and emotional one as well. If you are trying to better your mindset, but you become yoked with a crazy person, guess what? You will become crazy. If you are emotionally broken and you get with someone who’s emotionally broken as well, the relationship will be toxic. Two broken people can’t make each other whole. Being with someone who’s just as broken as you are isn’t being equally yoked, that’s just being with someone who has been through a similar experience. That’s not enough to keep a healthy relationship going if the two of you don’t share the same mindset. So, work on getting your mindset and your life where it needs to be, before bringing someone else into it. No one willingly wants to be brought into another person’s chaos, at least no one in their right mind.

Some of you are dating married people and you don’t even know it. No, I’m not talking about on paper. I’m talking about in their heart. You’re connected to someone who’s still connected to their ex, and now they’ve brought you into this spiritual threesome or love triangle if you will, without your consent. But now you feel like it’s too late, because you’re all in. Your feelings aren’t the only thing involved. You’ve invested your time, energy and money, amongst other things, and now, your heart doesn’t want to let go. Listen, I understand your frustration, but don’t stab a cake, unless you’re cutting me a slice, and don’t stab anyone or anything else either. Give the cake to me, and let’s talk about it. Now, you may be wondering, “How did I get here? How did I fall for someone who has fallen for someone else, or who was already in love with someone else?” As you sit and think, you may begin to remember red flags that you’ve ignored along the way. You may have ignored some inconsistencies here, or a few excuses there, but you never put two and two together. Maybe it’s because you knew something didn’t add up, but you didn’t want to assume, or maybe you chose to see only what you wanted to see. Either way, that’s neither here nor there, because you need to know what to do now that the cat is finally out of the bag. DB22B074-6FCA-4255-A8A7-D63E0AA0A5EC
I know it’s ugly, uncomfortable, and it hurts right now, but don’t act out of your feelings. I know it’s unfair that this person began a new chapter with you, when they hadn’t closed the previous chapter of their life, but you must figure out what you’re going to do next. No, don’t wring their neck… I know you want to, but listen. Learn from this situation, and become better for it. Don’t hold on to resentment, bitterness, anger or any feeling that’s counterproductive to your walk with Christ, and finding that special someone, who’s just for you. The last thing you want is to carry this person who is now your ex, and the pain they’ve caused you, along with you into a new relationship. After all, that’s exactly what they did! You need time to heal, and getting over a soul tie takes a while, but with the help of the Holy Spirit you will be able to release that person so that you’re free to experience real love. So, you may be waiting on a list of things to do, once you’ve found out, you’ve been played. Picking up the pieces isn’t easy, but you can do this if you really want to, God will give you the strength you need to walk away. Just remember, healing takes time. Don’t try to rush through it, the main thing you need to do is focus on getting through it, by taking things a day at a time. So, the first thing you need to do, is stop looking for that person to give you closure. They’ve made their decision about being with whoever they chose to be with, you don’t need to know why they made that decision, and I know that this may hurt, but they aren’t sorry for it. So, stop waiting on an apology. Don’t try to reach out and talk to them about how the two of you could possibly make it work. Don’t ask them if it was something you did wrong. Don’t ask them to meet you, call you, or text you, don’t message them on social media, let them be, because they’ve said everything they wanted to say to you, through their actions. If they wanted to communicate anything verbally, then they would’ve been honest up front, instead of leading you on. Instead, they’ve shown you better than they could tell you. So, take the hint and begin to move forward with your healing. It may sound harsh, but it is what it is. This is your peace of mind we’re talking about. I know it hurts, but you must forgive them, forgive yourself and move forward. When someone breaks your heart, it’s easy to feel as though they owe you something. You feel like you need an apology, explanation or something from that person to help you move forward, but as long as you’re looking to them, you will never be able to truly move on with your life. You will never have peace as long as you feel like they owe you something. You owe yourself everything you want them to give to you. So, close that chapter yourself. If you don’t, you may leave an open door that you’ll never be able to completely walk away from. The second thing you need to do is focus on you. Find out who you are outside of being in a relationship or in this case situationship. Occupy your time. You don’t want to become idle and stay in your feelings, or loneliness will tell you to settle for less than you deserve, which oftentimes leads to dead end relationships. To keep you from drunk texting your ex, or dating someone else who you know isn’t right for you, start doing more of the things you love, and start spending more time with the people in your life who loves you. Focus on what you have left. If you don’t have a hobby, find one. Read and study the Bible. Develop a deeper relationship with God. Treat yourself to a date. Start that business venture. Sometimes, certain things has to fall apart, so that something much better can come together. The third thing you need to do is remember that it wasn’t a loss, it was a lesson. Therefore, learn from it. Don’t blame yourself, but be honest with yourself about signs you may have ignored. Were you emotionally ready for a relationship? Were you following your flesh or the Holy Spirit? Even if they played the part really well, and you had no inclination that they were playing you, until they walked away, learn from it. If the only thing you learned was to ask more questions, then in the next relationship, ask more questions. It’s always something that you can take from a bad situation and use it to become better in the next. So, that’s only three things. I could give you a gazillion, probably, but for the sake of time I won’t. Anyway, these three things can help you heal and become free to love again, but ultimately your healing, growth and success is all up to you. ❤️

There’s nothing wrong with having a type unless your type is solely based on frivolous things like how much money a person makes or what kind of car they drive, or how big their social circle is, or them having to be up to date on the latest fashion trends, or they must have a certain look or physical features. All of those things are vain and none of those things are as important as the character of an individual. It’s terrible to only be attracted to someone because they make six figures or more, drives a BMW or better, is popular or well connected to higher business executives, political figures etc, only wears Gucci or other designer fashions, has the perfect face and body. What about how this individual treats you and treats themselves? There’s nothing wrong with wanting stability, but don’t be shallow. Also, you must be able to bring the same things to the table or better. Don’t be with someone because you like their swag. Swag can’t get a prayer through. Swag can’t save a marriage. Swag can’t raise a girl into a woman or a boy into a man. Swag can’t get you through trials and tribulations of life. Sure, we all want someone who we’re physically attracted to. That’s a no brainer. However, we shouldn’t be so strict on how their physical appearance should be, or the type of job they have or how many material possessions are in their possession. The things that should be at the top of your type list are things that money can’t buy like, the individual having a personal relationship with God, or them having vision and goals. How about self respect and respect for others. Self control, good communication skills, loyalty, love of God, themselves and their fellow human. They may not have the job you envisioned them to have, but you should applaud the fact that they have a job. They may not have a mansion, but at least they have a home. Forget all that other crap, because it’s meaningless when it comes to love and fulfilling your God given purpose in life, and oh, let me just say that your type should be someone who fits into your purpose. God made Eve as Adam’s helpmeet. She fitted Adam’s assignment. So, if you keep attracting the same spirit but a different face… you may want to reexamine your type. Sometimes it’s not a physical thing, it’s spiritual. Yes, you can have a spiritual type and be unaware of it, and that could be a stumbling block that’s keeping you from finding true love. How do you get over the wrong spirits? By inviting God into your heart and asking Him to fill you with His Spirit and by being obedient to His Word and trusting His will for your life, but even before all this, ask God to deliver you from whatever stronghold that’s holding you back from experiencing true love. Sometimes we know what spirit we wrestle with, but sometimes it’s even deeper than the obvious, and we need for God to uproot those things and plant the fruits of the Spirit into our hearts. Having the wrong type which could be the wrong spirits or based only on the outer appearance of a person, will get you a lot of traffic but no stay… You’ll leave one relationship and immediately get into another, but none of it will be meaningful. However, the right type, which is not vain but fruitful, will only run off the wrong ones and make room for the right one. You may not get as much traffic as the shallow person. You may get lonely, and that’s okay. Use that time to draw close to God, find yourself and find your purpose in life and work diligently at that. In due time I believe God will position you to receive the right one for you. Remember, it was God who said, it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. 😉 He knows what we need y’all. Sometimes, we just aren’t doing what we need to do in order to receive. Sometimes… those “types” are getting in the way of us being obedient or walking in our purpose. We must do our part and God can always be trusted to take care of us. ❤️ Isaiah 60:22 (b) “At the right time, I, the LORD, will make it happen.”

First impressions matter folks, and not just in the business world, but in the dating world as well. The energy you carry speaks more about who you are than your appearance. What’s so crazy about energy is, you may not always see it but you can always vibe it. I talk to singles all the time, and one of the most common things they have in common is, at one point or another, someone lied or betrayed their trust now or in the past. Someone used their vulnerability as a means to take advantage of their kindness or weaknesses, and that person or people used manipulation to selfishly satisfy their personal desires or to pacify their very own insecurities. You see, when a person betrays your love or trust, it’s rarely about you, and more often about them. Sometimes the part of them that’s weak, seeks out individuals who are also weak or in a vulnerable state, and in order to make them feel like they have power over their situation, they seek to control other people… particularly the ones fighting the same demons they are, or worse. So, when people meet you for the first time, they can pretty much read between the lines of what kind of person you are, regardless to what you say. Then, overtime and them getting to know you, what they thought will either be confirmed or denied by your actions. Unfortunately, the wrong person takes mental notes of your weaknesses or vulnerable state, and sells you a dream. It may not even be your dream right now, but they sell you an idea of that dream just to get you to open up more and trust them. Sometimes, they do sell you your dream, and the crazy thing is, you never even have to verbally mention that it’s exactly what you want! Ain’t that bout a 🤬!! Anyway, the wrong one will begin to tell you what THEY THINK, you want to hear, whether it’s your truth or not, instead of telling you their truth. For them, it’s all about gaining control over you, because again they have no self control, so controlling the way you think or controlling your feelings, makes them feel powerful in some twisted way. My advice is to be mindful of the vibes you’re giving off. Your energy is your truth. What is it saying about you? You can’t control that some people are just butt holes, but you can control the crap you choose to listen to. Just like they’re reading your energy, read theirs and stop falling for people’s lies. If you’re seeking security, and most importantly, love… then seek God first and everything else will be added to you. (See Matthew 6:33) ❤️ If you’re dealing with the repercussion of being betrayed by a lover, friend, family or even business partner. My Book “Betrayed with a Kiss” can help you pick up the pieces, and with the help of God, rebuild something beautiful! 💕 Get your copy here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1976360064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_5f7pBb5JJDT3H

One of the main reasons relationships fail is because people try to change the person that they’re with, or they get into relationships with a person and think that person will change for them… Lol There’s a good laugh. Listen up folks, when you commit to someone, you need to commit to who that person is, and not their potential. You see, that’s how many people get their hearts broken. They fall in love with a person’s words, or the good parts of a person, you know, the parts they choose to love, and they ignore the not so pretty parts of a person, thinking that they can either overlook it for the rest of their life or change it… until they find out that some things you just can’t overlook and some things you can’t change… 🗣🗣🗣 LIKE OTHER PEOPLE! It’s hard enough wrestling with ourselves and trying to change who we are. What on earth makes you think that you can change someone else? You can’t! And… going into a relationship thinking that because you have the right background, education, looks, religion, money, love, patience or anything valuable or of value to make a person change is an ignorant and dangerous way of thinking and you may want to examine your motives. You shouldn’t get with someone and treat them as if they’re broken and you’re going to “fix” them. Just as God accepts us for who we are when we come to Him, if you find a potential husband or wife, accept that person for who they are and then guess what, love will do it’s work within the relationship. That person may never change, and that may change you, and help you grow in areas you didn’t know needed growth! You just never know with love, but I do know that love makes the people in it, better. Not by force or manipulation though. Love starts off as a seed and with time and proper care of that seed it grows into something even more beautiful and amazing. So, learn to accept people for who they are, and if you can’t accept them, leave them alone. The potential you see in them may be great, but that may not be their vision for their life. Your best for them may not be their best or God’s best for them, and sometimes you may not be the best for them and you need to accept that. If you go around trying to “fix-a-person,” or “build-a-man,” or “build-a-woman,” guess who’s always going to be the one broken and disappointed in the end… You. So, instead of trying to make someone change or thinking that your difference will cause them to change, how about putting that time and energy into getting to know yourself, loving yourself and changing yourself for the better, because when you do, you’ll know exactly what you want in life. You’ll know what you’re willing to entertain and what you will not. You’ll be secure within yourself, and you won’t look for validation from someone else. So, I’m just going to end with, know what you’re getting yourself into, be it good or bad and make an intelligent decision about whether you’re going to move forward into something serious with a person based on who they are as a whole (right now), and not who you hope they’ll become later.

The best thing you can do for some folks is to show them better than you can tell them. Be about what you talk about or no one will ever take you serious. Don’t keep telling someone over and over again to treat you right. You shouldn’t work overtime trying to prove to someone how great you are. Love and respect yourself first and foremost, even if that means you have to be alone for a while. Don’t allow anyone to devalue you. Know your worth. If they can’t see your worth, then they aren’t worth your time. So, stop wasting time in meaningless friendships or relationships that aren’t genuine. In your heart you know if someone is truly for you or not. Don’t try to force things when you know it’s not for you. Don’t spend your time, energy, your love or even your money on someone who only takes advantage of it. Invest in someone who wants to build with you, not take away from you. Meaningful relationships won’t take away your smile, won’t misuse your love, or use your weaknesses to their advantage. Loneliness may hurt sometimes, but being with the wrong one, or trying to force something that’s just not meant to be, hurts even worse. Don’t continue to pour into people who would leave you high and dry. If they refuse to put in the same consistent efforts that you put in, in order to make the relationship work, then let them go. Team work makes the dream work, so if they’re not a part of your team and they’re not in it to win it, then let them take that L, because it’s their loss. You move on and forward while you’re ahead, and the most you’ve lost is time, because the longer you stay and put up with somebody’s crap, the longer they’ll continue to dish it out. You don’t want to spend years giving while they’re only taking, and when you’re finally tired, you’re not even yourself because they’ve taken the best of you. Get over whatever fear or insecurities you may have, that’s keeping you from letting go of toxic, or dead end relationships. Free yourself. Talk is cheap. So, don’t keep giving ultimatums for them to ignore, and don’t keep threatening to leave if you’re going to continue to stay. If you want to show someone that you mean business, then there’s no better way than showing them better than telling them. ✌🏾 

I decided to do a post on “Ghosting” this evening, and oh, how befitting since it’s Halloween. 👻 Scary, right? No one wants to be ghosted, but it seems like more and more people use ghosting as a means to avoid confrontation or they use it as a “get out of jail free card” if you will, when they no longer want to be in a relationship. They just leave… They believe they’re making a clean cut. No questions asked, no answers given… Believe it or not, these “ghosters” also believe that they’re sparing the other person’s feelings by ghosting them! 🤔 Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I think so, too. The harsh truth is, they just don’t care. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the truth any day. The truth may hurt, but it’s appreciated. At least you’re not left with questions and confusion.When you ghost someone, that person becomes haunted by you. You may get off easy, but the other person is being emotionally tormented. The unfinished business between the two of you, “haunts” them, if you will. Well, somebody call Ghost Busters because I’m calling all these ghosts out! What ever happened to honesty,  being a decent human being and following the golden rule; “Treat others as you want them to treat you.” – Matthew 7:12.  It’s time to put away selfishness and walk in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14, “Do everything in love.” There’s no love in ghosting people. Leaving a relationship this way leaves people emotionally damaged. I’ve heard insane stories of marriages lasting decades and then one of the people just leaving the marriage without warning and the next thing you know, the spouse is being hit with divorce papers. I’ve heard of relationships that we’re going well and then poof like a magician, someone disappears. Listen folks, if there’s an issue, address it like an adult by communicating with your partner.  Or, before even getting into a relationship, be honest about what you’re looking for. Don’t tell a lie because it’s convenient and lead people on, and then ghost them because you can’t keep your end of the bargain. If you’ve ever been ghosted, I just want you to know that your life isn’t over. Count it as a lesson learned. No you can’t look at a person and tell if they’re a ghoster or not, but you can look back over the relationship and reexamine some things and learn from them. Nine times out of ten, there was something there that you ignored. Look y’all, God doesn’t keep us in the dark about anything. Sometimes we’re just too busy listening to our flesh, or our feelings, or time, or what everybody else is doing that we overlook red flags. Don’t spend your life looking for closure. Sometimes you have to close that chapter yourself in order to move forward. Don’t allow a ghost to cause you to become fearful of love and relationships. Keep being the person you were before the relationship. If you came into the relationship with it, don’t leave the relationship without it. Keep your smile, your kind heart, your peace of mind and loving spirit in tact. The right one will come along and not only appreciate it, but cherish and match those qualities. Being ghosted may be a scary ordeal, but remember, God knows your beginning and your end, and sometimes He removes the wrong people out of your life because He knows if it’s up to us, we’d keep holding on, for every reason except the right one. When someone ghost you, it’s a blessing in disguise because more than likely that person was just a hindrance or distraction to you. They didn’t serve any other purpose other than to teach you a lesson. So, tonight or any time that your creepy ex who ghosted you, begin to haunt your mind with what did or didn’t happen. Or, if you’re feeling confused or down as to why they vanished, tell those ghostly thoughts to be gone in the name of Jesus. You will not remain stuck on the past. You’re moving on, and the ghost of ex’s past will no longer emotionally taunt you. You’re over it, you can’t change it, but you can change how you respond to it! You will not live bitter, fearful, angry and left with unresolved issues any longer. You accept it for what it is, because you know, what God has for you, is for you. Think of it this way, you may have thought you had a good thing, but God has something better. Perhaps you were settling and God was like, nah, you can do better! ❤️

Appreciate what you have when it comes to love. I’m talking about real love. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Compliment each other’s character. If you feel like there’s 75% of great things you love about your spouse, but 25% you can do without; don’t go out looking for someone to fulfill that 25%. You should be that 25% to their 75%. 🤷🏾‍♀️Listen, I’m just being honest. None of us are perfect, but choosing to stay in love takes team work. You shouldn’t jump ship because the person you love isn’t perfect. Hello! You aren’t perfect either! Truth be told, they could probably do without 75% of your crap, but they stay, and that’s where their 75% of the things you love about them kicks in! You see, real love fits. Real love is two imperfect people who are perfect for each other. Every day isn’t always going to be happy or paradise, but happiness is a feeling, and feelings as we all know, can quickly change, but love doesn’t, it just is… Love is constant even when it hurts to love. Falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes work… teamwork! You see, you can get over being temporarily unhappy, but you can’t get over loving somebody… not when it’s real. Which is why if you love them and they love you, work at staying in love. It doesn’t make sense how many people love each other, but have allowed pride, grudges, anger and all sorts of ungodliness to come between something that could be so beautiful. The love is already forever, so why not stay together? Especially when you’re certain that it’s love. I’m not talking about lust, infatuation, situations, or whatever that’s not love. I’m talking about the real deal. Don’t mess up a good thing by looking for the next best thing. Be a better you within the relationship, and another thing appreciate love. Don’t take it for granted. Again, staying in love is a team effort. So, if you’re not putting in the effort, eventually you will push that person away. That person may always love you, but they can’t be in love by themselves… it takes two. The two of you must be selfless, attentive, compassionate, understanding and forgiving; you must communicate, be committed but most importantly love each other. This isn’t only inclusive to spousal relationships, but in any relationship, because God has called us to love Him and to love each other (see Matthew 22:37-40). Love is what life is all about. The best way to love others is to get over ourselves. ❤️

1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.