You can’t help them heal if they refuse to let go. No matter how much of yourself that you give, to the wrong one, you will never be enough. You could have all the right qualities, and still not be the right person for that person or even some people. Learn to pour into individuals who are willing to receive all the great things you have to offer. Don’t spend life pouring into people who leave you feeling drained.

Not everyone will recognize your worth, but don’t you be one of those people. Not everyone will want, understand, or know how to receive your love and everything you can bring to the table, but that doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of love, and it definitely doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough. You are enough, and whether or not people see it or not doesn’t matter. What matters is that you believe it, and that you continue to be a good person and let your light shine. Remember, you’re not for everybody, and that’s okay!

Keep being you. Love, appreciate, and be confident in who you are. The right one will come along and align with your purpose and appreciate all you have to offer. ❤️

We’re all different. We experience situations differently. One person may go through something that they consider traumatic, while another person may go through something similar and consider it, “not that bad.” Although we all experience situations from different perspectives, different backgrounds, different ways, and at different times, it’s important to understand that we also experience situations as different people. None of us are completely the same, so don’t ever downplay someone else’s pain.

Sometimes people need to hurt before they can heal. Sometimes people need to feel the fullness of the pain that they are carrying in order to release it. Don’t be insensitive and selfish, and make someone else’s pain about you. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Sometimes, people need a listening ear, and not a running mouth. 

A person may mean well when they’re trying to comfort others, but the delivery may come off wrong. They may think they’re saying something to strengthen someone going through a tough time, but if the delivery is off, they can make matters worse. We must learn to be more sympathetic to what others go through, and stop making their pain about us. Just because we go through things tough as nails, doesn’t mean the next person will. They could go through that thing and totally break down, so we must choose our words wisely, and don’t compare how well you handled a situation to how poorly they’re handling a similar situation. 

No situation is 100% the same because we are all completely different people. If someone was violated in any way, or has experienced something they consider traumatic, don’t shrug and say, “It happens,” or don’t try to excuse their pain, or downplay their feelings… Let them grieve, their way. It’s okay to allow people to go through the motions of what they’re dealing with. You don’t have to throw them a pity party, but you can listen to them. 

It doesn’t matter how you personally handled a situation, if you’re only boasting about it instead of trying to help the individual heal. Boasting and comparing your situation with theirs, makes their pain about you… again, it’s not about you. You don’t need to hate who they hate, or get revenge on the person who harmed them, but let them hurt, so that they can heal. Be a hug. Be listening ears. 

Be a prayer warrior on their behalf. Be an inspiration and a supporter, but never ever, downplay someone else’s pain. No one should ever feel like they’re in a situation alone, or if they’re somehow being overly dramatic about what they’ve been through or is going through. This is dedicated to anyone who’s going through anything. It doesn’t matter if the trauma happened yesterday or fifty years ago, do what YOU need to do to HEAL in a healthy way.

Cry if you have to. Scream if you need to. Speak with a counselor if you want to. Do what you need to do for you, and know that you are never alone. God bless you! ❤️

Don’t ever give yourself away to the point of which another human being has power over your life. Power over your happiness, your smile, your purpose, your day to day life, or how you interact with family and friends. When you give a person your everything, and make your life revolve around them and only them… you’re making that person your god, and you are putting your life in danger, because if and when that person walks away they are taking every single thing you’ve given to them, with them. They’re taking your mental health, emotional health, spiritual, and in a lot of cases physical health with them as well, and they are leaving you malnourished and on the brink of death. This is why it’s so important to seek God first.

Get lost in God’s love first, then love yourself without having to be attached to another person, and learn become whole. The wrong spirits know who to prey on. If you don’t know who you are, you will try to find your identity in a relationship or other people. If you don’t love yourself, you will also look for the love you should be giving yourself within a relationship, or again, other people. Those ungodly spirits will trick you into believing a person is your savior and they will use the wrong person to try to kill, steal, and destroy your life.

Your happiness and self love should never be tied to a person/people. Not your spouse, not your child, not your parents, friend, mentor, pastor or whomever. People aren’t perfect and not everyone has good intentions. Some people have ulterior motives. The wrong people will tell you what you want to hear, and they will manipulate you and prey on your weaknesses if you’re lead by your feelings.

Your identity isn’t found in people, it’s found in Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. God has to be your focus, not your feelings. For more insight, get your copy of my new book “How to let go and let God” by clicking the link below. ⤵️⤵️⤵️

You don’t have to receive anything in your spirit that causes you to have a victim’s mentality. Stop accepting lies about yourself when God has given you power to overcome everything this world throws at you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and telling people the worse about yourself and throwing these pity parties in hopes that someone feels sorry for you! You’re wanting the world to see you and you don’t even see yourself. It doesn’t work like that.
You must learn to rise above it all by putting your focus and your hope in God alone. People can’t give you what God can, because we are all imperfect and we all are dealing with something. Seek God first, and the happiness, peace, love and security you seek will come by way of the Holy Spirit. Then you won’t need people to feel sorry for you. Instead, what you’ve been through will be a testimony, made to inspire and uplift others, rather than a pity party that’s made for only you, but designed to get others to feel sorry for you! You don’t need people’s sympathy when it comes to things you can control in your own life, you only need to level up your faith! Get your faith up! Good morning. 😃☀️

Proverbs 23:7

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

There are some things that has happened to other people and they’ve gotten over it, but you haven’t! Listen, GET OVER IT! First of all, it didn’t even happen to you! Oftentimes, what our family or friends go through does affect us, but if it didn’t happen to you, don’t make it about you! Learn from it, don’t dwell on it! If they have forgiven, forgotten and moved forward and bettered their life, then hey, you should do the same! Stop bringing up their past and getting upset about something that may have taken that person years to overcome. Every time you say, “I hate that person for doing that to you twenty years ago,” or “I hate that you made that mistake five years ago,” it’s like a gut punch or being tortured! Do you know how long it takes a person to truly forgive a person who has wronged or betrayed them? Do you know how long it takes people to forgive themselves for a stupid mistake they made in their past? Sure, everyone’s different, but for most people, it takes a really long time! It’s insensitive and selfish to tell a person, they’d be better off, had not they went through whatever it is they’ve been through in the past, whether it was a divorce, an illness, being incarcerated, being abused or whatever the case may be. Hey, nobody’s signing up for bad things to happen to them, and who are you to say they would be better off in life, had they not gone through those things. Better off by whose standards? Yours or God’s? Understand, that when a person has been through the worst in life, and they are a child of God, then they are exactly where God wants them to be, for this moment. Where they are right now is not their end, until God says, it’s over! God can use a person anywhere, no matter their current situation or their past! He can people in jail, just like he can use people who are free! He can use people who are divorced (I’m a witness 🙋🏾‍♀️) just like He can use people who are married! He can use people who are sick, just like He can use people who are well. You don’t know the calling on a person’s life, they way God does! Oftentimes, God will allow you to go through the difficulties because He has a greater purpose for it. He doesn’t cause the bad things in our life, but He doesn’t always stop it either, especially if not only we, but other people’s lives will be saved by our testimonies! When you choose to dwell on someone else’s past and compare where they are in life to where you think they would be, had not they went through what they did, you are really saying, that person isn’t living up to your expectations! Listen, bump your expectations! They are where God has assigned them for this season! They are exactly where God needs them to be, IF the Lord is their guide! God doesn’t lead us wrong! The tragedy, disappointment, illness or whatever it is a child of God faces, doesn’t happen to us, it happens for us! This means we are not victims of our past, because even our past and anything bad we experience, works for our good! That’s the Word! I can understand a person having sympathy for their loved ones or friends, and only wanting the best for them, but your best for them and God’s best for them are two different things! You may be worried about them not having what you consider “the best life,” but God is more concerned with them having eternal life. You may be concerned about their past, but God is concerned about their future! Not the future you want for them, but the future HE has planned for them. The Word of God says, in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you.” Listen, God knows what He is doing. He knows the plans He has for your loved ones, and it’s not your plan or theirs, it’s His! He knows how to get each of us to where we need to be! If it was up to us, we’d choose a different route, an easier route. Look, I know, you may not mean any harm when you bring up a person’s past. You’re just frustrated or angry by something someone else did to them or something they did to themselves IN THEIR PAST! Hey, listen! You have to let that go! You are giving their past to much power over your life! You’re not giving it past over their life, because they are at peace! They’ve moved on, but when you bring up their past troubles, it’s like rubbing salt in a wound. Learn to let people heal and be free! People don’t need a reminder of what happened to them, they need hope, encouragement and motivation to move forward. So, get over their life, and focus on your own! Personal success is different for all of us. One person’s success story may be being sober seven days, another person’s success may be being a CEO for seven years! It’s different for each individual, because we all have our own journey! So, love on people, God’s way, and leave their past in the past! You may need everything they don’t have to live a happy life, it doesn’t mean they need those things. However, God will equip them with everything THEY need, just as He’s done for you! People don’t need pity parties, they need friends and family to celebrate who they are now! As long as people are making progress, it doesn’t matter the pace, especially when the LORD, NOT YOU, BUT GOD, is their guide! 🙂❤️

Need a good read while social distancing? Download your free copy of my book, “Betrayed with a kiss.” Free offer ends, 4/28/2020. Click the link below ⬇️

Okay, so let me just say this. I believe that we’ve all done this, at one point or another in our lives, and we’ve all had our own reasons; mostly selfish, but we’ll get to that later. Be honest, you’ve either dated someone who was “out of your league” or you’ve dated someone who wasn’t on your level, be it spiritually, socially, physically or whatever it may be or may have been. The thing about “dating up” or “dating down” implies that you feel you’re not good enough. You feel like what you bring to the table is not enough, therefore, you need someone who will make you feel better about who you are. You need security. The sad thing about this way of thinking is that, if you’re not good by yourself, you’re no good to anyone else. If you feel like you have to settle (date down) it means you’re desperate, and if you are a person who dates up… it means you’re desperate. Both, dating down/up is a means for one to selfishly come up in some way. What’s wrong with dating someone on the same level we’re on? Nothing. It’s just that we’re majorly influenced by social media, television, music and who the world tells us we should date or befriend, and even more than that, the truth of the matter is, many people feel they’re not good enough. So, instead of going to God and allowing Him to help them heal, they look to people… Tragic, because we all have issues. They’re looking for their idea of perfection to complete their imperfections, but that perfect slot is meant to be filled by God alone. People can’t feel that void like God. The minute a person’s perception of the perfect mate or perfect person in general, is interrupted by the other person’s flaws, they’ll begin to look for the next person to fill that void. They’ll lose themselves by following the crowd, in order to feel accepted, secure or loved. It’s very important that we work on healing, loving ourselves and giving God our brokenness. If not we will look to people to “fix” us. Whether we use someone we consider better than or worse than us. Neither is better than the other, which is why God wants us to be equally yoked. We shouldn’t only think of being equally yoked as a spiritual thing, but we should consider other factors like a person’s character, mindset, goals, and values. Are they loyal, responsible and honest? Basically, before we befriend people or began to date, we should look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Would I date me?” Or, “Would I want to be my friend?” If the answer is no, work on yourself. If the answer is yes, and you have a clear conscience, then go forth. You can’t find something real, if you’re not real with yourself. You can’t listen to your insecurities, or who the world says you should date or allow in your circle. Listening to your insecurities or the world will make you appear whole, but inside you’ll still be broken, which is why there’s a lot of unhappy people in relationships and there’s people with many “friends” but they’re still alone. My advice to anyone who’s been looking to people to fix their inner issues is simple, let God in. What you’re really in search of is peace and love. Jesus is the epitome of peace and love. We must find it in Him first, and then we will have it to share with others. We all have some form of insecurities, but the way to overcome them is to be perfected in Christ. Not perfect, but perfected, by His blood. When you accept the fact that God loves you, and made you good through Christ. You learn to love yourself, and become good with who you are. If there’s something inside of you that you need to change, God will help you. Looking to people is futile. Preying on someone who’s worse off than you is no better than using someone who’s better off than you. They’re both selfish and comes from an insecure place. Relationships aren’t about finding someone to fix you, it’s about being with the one who fits you. There’s a difference.

Who is on the throne of your heart? Because whoever or whatever you put on the throne, you’ll submit to.  Whatever you submit to has the power to make or break you. Psalm 51:10

English Standard Version

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

Some of us need for God to do a clean sweep of our hearts because somewhere along the way, we’ve collected a bunch of junk that we don’t need inside ourselves. We’re basically hoarding toxicity, because we’ve gotten comfortable in our mess, struggles and pain. The good news is it’s not too late to put Jesus in His rightful place which is the throne of our hearts. Revelation 3:20

English Standard Version

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

Have you ever visited someone and before you went inside their home, the outside appearance was decent, but the inside looked like a landfill? Lol okay, maybe that was an awful experience I once had, but here’s my point. We look put together nicely on the outside. Even though Jesus knows how screwed up we are on the inside, He still knocks on the door to our hearts and wait for us to invite Him in. Isn’t that awesome? He knows what to expect and His love still chases us down. We invite all kind of ungodliness in, and Jesus is like, “Where’s my invite?” Instead of forcing His way in, He patiently waits on us to come to Him. You may feel like you’re a mental, spiritual or emotional ship wreck, and you may be asking Jesus, “Lord, are you sure that you want to be a part of this?” His answer is, YES! All you need to do is open the door. He will help you clean up that beautiful disaster on the inside. He makes all things new! All you have to do is unlock that door that’s keeping you a prisoner to your past or your pain, and tell the Lord, “I trust you Jesus. Come on in.” ❤️

We were made to love because we were made from love. God is the definition of love. So, it’s no secret that from the time of birth love is what we crave the most. It’s something we cannot live without because living without it literally sucks the life out of a person. Matthew 22:36-40 New International Version (NIV)

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” We must love each other genuinely (see Romans 12:10). What happens when we don’t follow these scriptures? Someone ends up with a broken heart. You know, the thing that sucks the most about dealing with a broken heart is, you may not have caused it, but you’re left with picking up the pieces, but my dear friends, freight not, for you are not alone. Mending your broken heart can be done, with God’s help. You must deal with the root of the problem first, and dealing with the root hurts because there’s some things that needs to be pulled up and destroyed, that may “feel” better left alone, which is why most people opt for temporary relief when their heart has been broken, instead of tackling the source of the problem and taking time to heal. Many people feel like they don’t have the time it takes to heal, they want something quick and satisfying that will take the pain away at the current moment, so what do they do? They find another person to replace the one that they lost, but this is dangerous for the very fact that, jumping into a relationship when you’re not over your last one means you’re transferring baggage and that is toxic. Others feel like if they ignore the pain and just move on, things will get better, until that pain comes knocking on their door and they can’t ignore it anymore. The pain begins to show up in new relationships and it’s not limited to personal relationships either. If not dealt with correctly, that pain can destroy a person’s life. So, in order to get over a broken heart, one of the first things a person must stop doing is looking for another person to be their pain reliever, instead, one must look to God. Psalm 37:4, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Listen, it doesn’t matter how many people you try to replace the one you lost with, those people will never be that person (thank Jesus) and you can’t get the closure you need from your past, with someone new. Only you can close that chapter by allowing God to strengthen you. You must accept His help and stop wallowing in your pain. I remember the first time I’d recognized how much I’d grown when it comes to the matters of the heart. I was trying to get over someone and was tempted to go back to my old ways, which was like most people, by finding a temporary pain reliever. Let me just say this too, not all people try to replace people with people, some try to replace people with drugs, material things, and some people do the right thing and heal without a “temporary pain reliever” if you will. The latter hurts the most, but with God, it gets better. Anyway, when I realized my personal growth, this scripture came to mind. 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” The main thing out of this scripture was that my understanding changed. Once my understanding changed, my thoughts and actions changed. You see, a broken heart can leave a person not only in pain, but confused. After taking some time (a long time) to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, I begin to learn more about myself with every piece that I had to pick up. I had to learn who I was outside of being with another person, and I came to accept me and love me without feeling like I needed validation or identity from another human-being. Thank God that His Spirit was always right there with me, helping me to pick up those shattered pieces, and put the puzzle of my heart back together. It’s a difference when God helps you rebuild, compared to trying to do it on your own, and His difference, makes all the difference. It’s what keeps you from resorting to your old ways when a memory of your past pops into your head, or when someone pushes a button that used to set you off, or when a present situation triggers certain emotions… The Spirit of God keeps you level headed and reminds you that His Word is your truth and you are not alone. Psalm 34:14, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

When a person is hurting, all they can think about is how they feel at the moment. Think about it, if you fall and hurt yourself (God forbids), you’re not going to call your loved one to see if they’re okay from your fall! You’re going to make sure that you’re straight. You’re going to make sure that you’re getting better. The same thing happens when we’ve been hurt emotionally. We make sure that we’re straight, but oftentimes instead of dealing with the root of the problem, we pacify it, or unfortunately, use other people as a bandaid or Tylenol to temporarily suppress our real issues. When we’re emotionally hurt, we’re not checking to see if someone else is okay, we only care about what we’re feeling and that’s what healing is so important. If we don’t take time to heal from the pain of our past, we’ll find ourselves dumping our insecurities, hurt and frustrations onto other people.  Subconsciously, we’ll blame them for how we feel about ourselves or we’ll use them as a pacify to soothe our inner issues not taking into account how they feel. Hurting others will not make your hurt any less painful. As a matter of fact, it’s like rubbing salt in your wounds, because in the end, you come out losing for being dishonest, deceitful and selfish. Take time to heal, the last thing you want is for the pain of your past to spill over into your present and get in the way of future blessings! Don’t mess it up for yourself. If you need a break from the dating scene, then take a break and do some self evaluating, and self care. Your emotional well being is everything! Even if you’re dealing with something else that has nothing to do with relationships. Take time to get your heart right, that’s the only way you’re going to truly move forward, whether it’s on your job, in a relationship or life in general. Don’t become your pain. Again, take the necessary time you need to heal, so that you can live healthy and peacefully, emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. Take care of your heart so that you’ll know how to take care of others.

For more insight, read my book, “One For The Reason Of Love,” by clicking the link below.

Backup plans are great to have in case plan A doesn’t work. You always want to have that extra cushion or protection just in case life throws you one of those unexpected curve balls. A good backup plan keeps things going according to plan, except when it comes to being in a committed relationship. If you are single and in the dating field, then that’s different. You’re supposed to date, and get to know people until you find that special someone. Once you find that special someone and have made a commitment to that person to be monogamous, then all other extra curricular activities involving other potential mates should cease, or should have already been put to an end. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen, and that’s when backup plans go wrong… Why do some people have backup plans if they’re “supposedly” in a committed relationship. Well, one reason is fear. I know a lot of people may think it’s because they’re selfish and although that’s true too, I believe that more than them being selfish, they’re scared! Let’s face it, most of us have been heartbroken at one point or another in our lives, and once your heart has been broken, you’re cautious with who gets access to it in the future. Not only that but some people’s way of providing an extra layer of protection around their hearts is to have a backup plan or “side piece”. No, it’s not fair, but I’m telling you what I know. Sometimes the relationship is going so well, that a damaged person will get a backup plan because they believe it’s too good to be true and just in case the relationship goes sour, they’ll have a sweet deal waiting in the wings. The crazy thing about this type of backup plan is that it’s an unending cycle and you’re basically setting yourself up for failure by #1, not giving yourself time to fully heal from the previous relationship. You can’t get over someone you love by relationship hopping! Love takes time to get over. #2, you’re not giving the current relationship a fighting chance. #3, you’re hindering yourself from experiencing what could potentially be or become real love. Let’s face it, if you need a side piece, you have trust issues. More than likely you feel like at some point the person you’re with is going to hurt you and instead of you feeling sorry for yourself like last time, you’ll ride off into the sunset with number two. I’m just trying to give someone perspective because it’s not always about a person being a “dog” or a “thot” or whatever other names you can think of. Sometimes people are just hurting and the only way they believe that they can suppress the pain is to have a backup plan. This is not a way to excuse unfaithful behavior, I’m just saying know who you’re getting into these relationships with, and if you’re not over your ex, don’t jump into a new relationship until you’ve fully healed; otherwise you’ll keep carrying the same baggage from one person to another. I think society as a whole needs to stop putting so much emphasis on appearing to be alright or better and actually get the help needed to heal. Whether it’s talking to a therapist, pastor, friend, and hey… let’s not forget JESUS! He wants you to talk to Him about EVERYTHING! Nothing is off limits! If those inner feelings aren’t expressed and healing doesn’t take place, the world will continue this vicious cycle of hurt people hurting other people…