Ever been in a relationship where the vibe was typically good, and one bad thing happened and it changed everything or at least it changed your perspective? Whether it was a good working relationship with you and a business partner, a personal relationship, a relationship between you and a family member or whatever the case may be, remember how the relationship was never the same? And I’m not talking about in only a bad or awkward way, but good ways as well, because it changed your perspective and “grew you.” Sometimes it takes us going through something uncomfortable in order for our lives to change; especially when we’ve gotten so comfortable with “how things are,” no matter the relationship or situation.
The Bible tells us, “In all your getting, get understanding” (see Proverbs 4:7). So when you’re so used to things going “right” or at least from your point of view, when things go left, before reacting out of your feelings get some understanding. That would be the wise thing to do. Understanding saves a lot of relationships (no matter what type). It keeps that awkward vibe from floating around and clears the elephant in the room.
If you don’t get some understanding, then you’re just stuck with a big problem that both parties are too stubborn to try to resolve, because all they both see is, “the problem.” You can’t see each other’s perspective because something has come between the two of you and if you don’t come together in a way that resolves the problem (no matter who is at fault), then the two of you (or all of you, if you’re dealing with a lot of people) will either allow the problem to continue until it destroys one or all of you.
So, if you and a friend, a lover, a family member, a co worker, a church member or whomever once had a good thing going and something changed, but you believe the relationship is worth salvaging, then it’s up to you to be the bigger person. Tell them, “Hey, I’ve been feeling uneasy (or however you feel) about what happened between us, can we sit down and talk about this, because I value your friendship, love, etc. and I don’t want to lose you. Don’t be afraid to speak up! Let the person know how much they mean to you, instead of focusing on that one mistake they’ve made. We must learn to come together and work past our indifferences, and stop allowing our feelings to get in the way. Put your pride on the back burner. None of us are perfect, but we can do some pretty awesome things when we come together. ❤️ Praying for you!
The best thing to do when someone is emotional, is to listen to what they are saying, because they’re trying to communicate how they feel, and acting out emotionally, is a cry for you to listen! Don’t judge them. Don’t tell them that they’re wrong for feeling some type of way. Don’t tell them that they’re crazy. Listen, to understand and not to respond, because for one, how they’re feeling is personal. It’s not even about you, it’s really about how they feel about themselves and allowing them to vent gives them a chance to blow steam off so that they can cool down. I’m not saying, allow people to mentally abuse you because they’re going through something… No! I’m saying, before you respond in anger, try to understand where the person’s coming from by listening! Don’t just listen to their voice, listen to their energy. What are they vibes telling you? Are they telling you that they don’t value you, or are they telling you that that they do value you that’s why they’re crying out for help or coming to you in the first place and trying the best they know how to communicate. Let’s be real folks… none of us are perfect. We can all use improvement in certain area of our lives. Some people’s area is communication! We come from different walks of life. Not everyone was taught to put their emotions aside before speaking… most of the time life teaches us that, after we’ve dealt with the consequences of speaking out of our emotions. For those of us that are more mature mentally and emotionally, it’s up to us to be patient with others when they’re in their feelings. You may want to snap back, but it won’t solve anything. Let them say what they need to say, and when they’re finished, calmly state your opinion (if asked), or if necessary, explain your side of the story in a way that brings you both understanding and less confusion. Being the calm within the storm will help the person who’s emotionally frustrated, find peace and clarity. It will also help the person recognize the truth behind their emotions, and once they recognize why they feel how they feel, they can find ways to deal with the root of their problem and heal. It’s not always about what someone said or did. Sometimes what someone says or does, triggers emotions from a person’s past. So, if they’re emotional… remain calm, and listen.
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Learn to filter your words. When I was younger, I had no filter. I spoke whatever came to mind and that wasn’t always a good thing. You see, it’s one thing to be up front and honest about your feelings but it’s another thing to say what’s on your mind… The Bible tells us, Ephesians 4:29 English Standard Version (ESV)
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
If it’s going to do more damage than good, don’t say it. Keep those thoughts to yourself. If you wouldn’t want someone to say it to you, don’t say it to them, consider other people’s feelings. You can be honest and meek at the same time. Colossians 4:6, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Before we speak, we should first consider our thoughts. Our mood oftentimes set the tone for our speech. We should also think about what point are we trying to get the receiver to understand. I guarantee you that your point won’t be received if the person you’re talking to feels attacked. Let me just also say, you don’t have to speak on everything you know, and your personal truth is not everyone’s reality. Some things are better left unsaid. Proverbs 21:23, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles.” Listen, words can be as bitter as a lemon or as sweet as honey, and if you use them wisely, they can either save your life or become like venom to your soul. This is coming from someone who has learned the hard way, what words can do. My big mouth has gotten me in trouble plenty of times, until God had to literally sit me down and put me in time out for a while. So, watch your mouth folks. I know it can be hard sometimes, especially when you just want to give someone a piece of your mind or show them that you’re on to their little games or whatever. Sometimes it’s best to be quiet and let folks make a fool of themselves, by themselves. Before you allow their actions to bring out the worst in you, remove yourself long enough to gather your thoughts, make sure they’re seasoned with grace 😁and then come back and communicate with the individual after you gotten a little more Jesus in you, because we all need a little more Jesus at times. I know I do. The following scripture has been my personal prayer, especially when I’m feeling some type of way and I need the Lord to order my steps and help me to speak the words HE would have me to say… ➡️“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14
Listen Linda, listen! People always have their phones with them! 🤷🏾♀️It’s the age of Information. One click can get us whatever we need. You can even talk to your phone and it will send messages, look up information, open apps or call someone if you need it to. So don’t you dare allow someone to tell you that they were too busy to send you a text or to give you a call. People literally take their phones every freaking where. Everywhere you go people’s heads are in their phones. So if someone says, “My phone was dead,” or “I didn’t have any reception,” or whatever lame excuse they come up with for not responding to you, don’t believe it. People take their phone chargers everywhere they go too, and if a person isn’t getting reception, please believe they’re not staying in that location too long. Listen, if a person isn’t making consistent effort to respond to your text or calls, or if they’re not putting in the effort to reach out to you, without you always having to hit them up first, then that person isn’t for you. It’s not that much working in the world, and a person’s never too busy to make time to let someone that they care about know that they are missed, loved, appreciated or on their mind. Don’t waste your time waiting by the phone for someone to respond to your text or call. Pay attention to the inconsistencies. If you notice that they’ll only talk to you on certain days or at certain times, that’s a red flag! “I was working,” is not an excuse. By the way, work is one of the most commonly used lies people use as an excuse for their trifling behavior. People also use their family as a crutch for their lies. They’ll make up random excuses or the most hilarious lies about how they family needed them, thinking you’ll sympathize with them or be understanding if they neglected you due to family issues… Ahhhh nuh! What you allow now, will continue later! Listen folks, communication is key to any type of relationship. A person who’s serious about you will keep you in the loop. There won’t be any room for assumptions because they’re keeping it one hundred up front. There are unforeseen issues that a person could encounter that could disrupt their plans and it could even cause them to forget to return a call or whatever, but this shouldn’t be the norm. Things like that should rarely happen. The bottom line is if they’re serious about you, they’ll keep the line of communication open. Whether it be via text or call, those things are the least that someone should make time to do, especially if they spend little or no time with you. Nine times out of ten if they can’t make time for you, they’re making time for someone else. 🤷🏾♀️ It’s not your job to figure them out. You’re not a psychic… They either open up to you or they don’t. Trying to communicate with someone should not be like pulling teeth. If it’s hard and painful to get a word out of them or for them to make time for you now, then what do you have to look forward to later? Nothing…. So stop wasting your energy and investing your time in something that’s just not meant to happen. Aren’t you tired of waiting, only to be disappointed? Stop waiting for nothing to happen and get to moving forward with your life! You deserve better. This not only applies to relationships but it can very well be applied to your entire life. You can’t just spend your life waiting, you must be proactive about anything you want in life; whether it’s love, your dreams, career, family or whatever. The longer you wait for nothing, the more of nothing will come.
Love gave us free will, to choose to love or hate. He gave us the choice to trust him and be obedient to his Word, or to trust our feelings and take matters into our own hands. Whatever path we choose, we can be sure that his love for us is unfailing. Jesus died for us when we were his enemies. He loved us even when we didn’t have it all together. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of a family like that? He never gives up on us, and his mercy is new every day! Everyday we have a choice to trust the God who created us, or to trust what feels good at the moment. There is no gray area when it comes to being a child of God. Either you belong to him, or you don’t. We all know the consequences of sin, and the final result is death, but Jesus came to reverse the curse. As believers, when we leave this life, we will pass into life everlasting. This walk isn’t forced on us, we chose faith over fear. We choose to live by what we know in our heart, mind and soul, and not what the world tells us makes sense. As for me, I’ve tried him, and I know that God is faithful. I’ve taken matters into my own hands before, and have done things outside of Gid’s will, and I screwed up every time. Thank God for his grace! I finally understand what Paul means in 2 Corinthians 12:9, that his grace is sufficient! I choose to use my free will, to live for God, through Christ, simply because he’s God, and there is NO ONE, like him! His faithfulness doesn’t have anything to do with how many times I fall, and that’s what motivates me to get back up and keep pressing towards the mark, again like Paul! God’s always there for us as his children (that’s favor), and he’s promised he will always be, even until the end of the world! Now who wouldn’t serve a God like that?