Some people try to “control” their current relationship because they were hurt in the past and that pain left them feeling powerless. So, they build walls, become uncompromising, manipulative or even run, in order to protect themselves from being hurt again; but truth is, they’ve never healed. They are hurting themselves by dwelling on the pain and allowing what should have been a lesson to become their life. You can’t “control” love. Love is freeing, and it’s organic. People mess it up when they move too fast, or interfere with the natural growth process of the relationship by trying to make their new relationship what the old one should’ve been. Look, this isn’t a “do over” with your ex. Give your current relationship a chance to grow and prosper. You can’t set unhealthy boundaries and come up with all these restrictions if you want someone to get close enough to truly get to know you. Get over what didn’t work out in the past and give your future a chance. For more insight, listen to my podcast by clicking the link below.⬇️⬇️⬇️
Ever been in a relationship where the vibe was typically good, and one bad thing happened and it changed everything or at least it changed your perspective? Whether it was a good working relationship with you and a business partner, a personal relationship, a relationship between you and a family member or whatever the case may be, remember how the relationship was never the same? And I’m not talking about in only a bad or awkward way, but good ways as well, because it changed your perspective and “grew you.” Sometimes it takes us going through something uncomfortable in order for our lives to change; especially when we’ve gotten so comfortable with “how things are,” no matter the relationship or situation.
The Bible tells us, “In all your getting, get understanding” (see Proverbs 4:7). So when you’re so used to things going “right” or at least from your point of view, when things go left, before reacting out of your feelings get some understanding. That would be the wise thing to do. Understanding saves a lot of relationships (no matter what type). It keeps that awkward vibe from floating around and clears the elephant in the room.
If you don’t get some understanding, then you’re just stuck with a big problem that both parties are too stubborn to try to resolve, because all they both see is, “the problem.” You can’t see each other’s perspective because something has come between the two of you and if you don’t come together in a way that resolves the problem (no matter who is at fault), then the two of you (or all of you, if you’re dealing with a lot of people) will either allow the problem to continue until it destroys one or all of you.
So, if you and a friend, a lover, a family member, a co worker, a church member or whomever once had a good thing going and something changed, but you believe the relationship is worth salvaging, then it’s up to you to be the bigger person. Tell them, “Hey, I’ve been feeling uneasy (or however you feel) about what happened between us, can we sit down and talk about this, because I value your friendship, love, etc. and I don’t want to lose you. Don’t be afraid to speak up! Let the person know how much they mean to you, instead of focusing on that one mistake they’ve made. We must learn to come together and work past our indifferences, and stop allowing our feelings to get in the way. Put your pride on the back burner. None of us are perfect, but we can do some pretty awesome things when we come together. ❤️ Praying for you!
Some people keep running into the same problems because they continue to carry the same problems… Let it go.
If it seems like trouble follows you everywhere you go, then you might want to check your baggage. IJS…
So, where is this “baggage” stored? It’s stored in your mind. Everything we do, begins with our mind. This is why it’s so important to have the right mindset. A free mindset, that is not bound by past experiences, present situations or future uncertainties. We should have a focused mindset. A mindset that’s focused above and not beneath (see Colossians 3:2).
Some of the baggage we’re carrying around is not necessary for our journey, it’s dead weight and is only weighing us down. Too much baggage will not only slow you down, but it will stop you! So, you must learn to pack light and choose what you pack, wisely. Some life experiences needs to be packed for wisdom and strength. The experiences that leaves you fearful, bitter, weak and confused, has to go!
2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Thanks to God, our Father, we have every tool we need to live a purposeful life. There’s no need for extra baggage, especially the kind of baggage that keeps us stagnant while the world around us continues to move.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
It’s time to throw off the baggage that’s keeping you from running YOUR race. The past has served its purpose, now it’s time to walk in purpose! For more insight, get your copy of my book, “Betrayed with a kiss,” by clicking the link below… ⬇️⬇️⬇️
One of the toughest battles in life, if not the toughest battle you will ever have to fight in life, is the battle against yourself… but you can do it! You’re more than a conqueror! This doesn’t mean only against other obstacles, things or negativity in your life. This also means that you are more than a conqueror when it comes to the battle against or within yourself. Jesus tells us in Matthew 26:41, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
The spiritual man/woman within us, wants to do what’s right. Our spirit wants what will render us peace, joy and everlasting life. However… our flesh wants to have our cake and eat it too! Our flesh is selfish and wants to do its will rather than God’s, because our will is based on how we feel. Our flesh likes to be kept comfortable more than it likes to be free. A lot of people think they are living a free life, but really they’re just living comfortably. Comfort makes us happy. 🤷🏾♀️ Romans 8:8, “So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.”
There’s a saying that people use as a quote from Harriet Tubman (but wasn’t her quote) that says, “I freed a thousand slaves, I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.” Harriet may not have said this, but if you look at this from a spiritual perspective, many of us could be free if only we knew that we were slaves to sin. Sin may feel like freedom, but in the end you have to pay a hefty price.
“As long as we are in our feelings, allowing what we go through to control how we act, then we will miss the mark every time. We must change our focus. Our way of thinking may bring temporary happiness but without God being our focus, it will end in a world of pain. So, we must fight the good fight against ourselves. It doesn’t matter what people do to you or what situations you encounter, you can’t always control that. The real battle that we can control, is our mindset and how we respond to what we go through. Don’t allow what you go through to get inside of you! Sometimes, the enemy is within you, not around you! Remember that, and more than conquer it! 🤜🏾 💪🏾 You can do it! Allow God to be your strength! ❤️
Prayer: Dear God, deliver me from myself. I am not accountable for how people treat me, but I am accountable for how I choose to respond to whatever it is I go through. Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for coming to rescue me, and thank you for your love that has brought me out. I receive this, decree and declare it, in Jesus name. Amen.
For more insight, check out my podcast, here! ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Sometimes, our plans and God’s will are very different. We may plan our lives one way, but God knows how to get us to where we need to be within His will. Even if we go left when we’re supposed to go right, or if we keep going where we’re supposed to stop, God’s navigation system knows how to get us exactly where we’re supposed to be.
This can be frustrating, because sometimes our will and God’s plans for us clash and leaves us anxious, disappointed, hurt and confused. Why? Because our way of thinking without Christ being the center of our thoughts, will always come back to bite us on the behind. When we make our plans, we need to make sure that God has checked off on it.
We also need to make sure that we prepare for what we plan for. A person can plan on taking a vacation, but if they don’t have a destination booked, if they don’t pack, or plan a way to and from that destination, and actually go to that destination, then you’re just a person with a plan.
A plan is nothing without preparation.
So, we can’t just say, “I will do this, that and the third, if we haven’t counted the cost. Many times we don’t count the cost when making plans. We just see how great the outcome is in our heads, and we run with that thought, when all along God is on something else. There are many times you may be on one accord with the will of God for your life, but maybe, you’ve gone about it the wrong way. See, God doesn’t want what was supposed to be your blessing, to turn into your burden.
We may see the end result of our desires in our minds; which consists of success, a family, good health, or whatever your heart desires. Seldom do we think about the steps it takes to get there. So we may be thinking about a husband, but God may be thinking about the steps you need to take in order to become a wife, because we become wives long before we walk down the isle. Maybe you need to work on your patience; Lord knows you will need it in a marriage. Maybe you need to deal with some emotional issues. God will allow us to go through certain things, and oftentimes we became frustrated because again, we are focused on the end result. We want to jump to the end, without going through. So we become upset with God because He’s not responding in our timing. Listen, you must count it all joy, like the Bible tells us! The things you go through are working within you and leading you to where God purposed you to be, but you must make peace with God’s will. You make peace by realizing He knows what’s best and trusting Him in everything. We must trust His no, just as much as we celebrate His yes!
It’s all about letting our will for our lives go, and embracing God’s plan for our lives.
If you’ve enjoyed this, check out my book, “One for the reason of love.” If you’re reading from WordPress, you can get your autographed copy of my book via my website http://www.shubriccalbell.com, and you can check out my podcast there as well. As a matter of fact, the segment on my podcast that I posted tonight, goes more in depth with this topic. The segment is called, “You must be willing to let go in order to be delivered.” You can also click here to listen.⬇️⬇️⬇️
If you’re depressed, irritated or uneasy with them, then you can do without them! There’s a saying, “I can do bad all by myself.” If a person is already in a bad space before getting into a relationship, they don’t need someone who will bring them down any further! They need someone who will help lift them up! Now hear me on this, I’m not saying it’s up to anyone else (as far as people go) to make us happy or to “fix” us. What I am saying is this, a relationship should consist of two people uplifting each other. There shouldn’t be one doing the uplifting while the other is being idle, tearing that person down, or stepping all over the individual in order to lift themselves up! No! A relationship is a team effort. Now, will there always be happy days, absolutely not. Life will try you. Situations will test you, but the two of you must keep a healthy communication going, and fight together, not apart. Too many hearts are broken and relationships are failing because people want to fight the battles that arise within the relationship by themselves instead of together. It’s important to know yourself before entering into a relationship. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Know what demons you’re battling. Know what makes you happy and what doesn’t, but most importantly, be happy with yourself first! If you’re not happy with yourself, by yourself, then you’ll never be truly happy with anyone else. If you’re not whole by yourself, then a relationship will never make you complete. You must have peace of mind and love who you are first, or you will get with someone and depend on them to give you what you won’t even give yourself! Is that fair? No way! That’s how you lose yourself in other people, and that’s how you get into a relationship with someone who takes away your smile or leaves you confused, walking on egg shells or depressed. You gotta give yourself everything that you require someone else to give you. If you require love, respect and honesty, then love yourself, respect yourself and be honest with yourself first. Great relationships takes preparation. You must be a wife or a husband long before the marriage. Marriage should definitely be the goal, otherwise, what are you doing? No relationship is perfect, but healthy relationships consist of people who love God and love themselves. This is the only way you can be capable of truly loving others. The two people should also communicate often and build as a team. “A house divided amongst itself cannot stand.” (See Matthew 12:25) That not only pertains to spiritual relationships but any relationship. You must be on the same page. You must be equally yoked, again, not just on a spiritual level, but on a mental and emotional one as well. If you are trying to better your mindset, but you become yoked with a crazy person, guess what? You will become crazy. If you are emotionally broken and you get with someone who’s emotionally broken as well, the relationship will be toxic. Two broken people can’t make each other whole. Being with someone who’s just as broken as you are isn’t being equally yoked, that’s just being with someone who has been through a similar experience. That’s not enough to keep a healthy relationship going if the two of you don’t share the same mindset. So, work on getting your mindset and your life where it needs to be, before bringing someone else into it. No one willingly wants to be brought into another person’s chaos, at least no one in their right mind.
Some people allow others to take and take from them and they still won’t let go of that person who’s misusing them. What is it going to take for you to let go? Will you allow them to take your life too?
Listen, they’ve taken your smile, they’ve taken your peace, they’ve taken your joy, they’ve taken your money, they’ve taken your love, they’ve taken your time, they’ve taken everything good about you, from you! Then you’re left bitter, angry, confused, depressed, broke busted and disgusted, emotionally numb, with a negative way of thinking about yourself and the world… and yet, you’re still holding on to this person! 🗣 LET THEM GO!
Some people are already dead long before the casket because they’ve allowed someone else to take life away from them. They feel as though there’s no reason to live because they’ve made their purpose all about one person or in some cases people! Stop trying to force people to see you! The only acknowledgment you need is from God and then HE will open the right doors for you and bring you before the right people! Proverbs 18:16, “A person’s gift opens doors for him and brings him before the great.”
Your life isn’t meant to be lived fixated on people pleasing or loving a person to death! No! Your life is about loving people and being loved to life! Death follows destruction! If a person is destroying you mentally or physically, what do you think is next? Again, LET THEM GO! Love you more! Get to the point of which you say, “Listen here, it’s either me or you, and I choose myself! It’s okay to choose you when people aren’t pouring into you like you pour into them. Strong people needs watering too or else they will die! Period.
Don’t forget to get your copy of my book, “One for the reason of love.” ↙️
Listen, when beginning a relationship, of course you should start off as friends and get to know each other. The best relationships starts with friendship. However, we’re not addressing platonic friendships today. Today we are addressing these “friendships” in which many of us call “situationships” today. A situationship is supposed to be an agreement or understanding that the two people involved do relationship things or marital things, without a marital commitment… Confused? Lol. Well, so are these people in these situationships or has found themselves going back and forth as “just friends” with a person for umpteen years. It doesn’t have to be a lot of years, it could be any amount of time. I know that I said a situationship is suppose to be an agreement or understanding, but most of what supposed to be agreed upon or understood is never discussed… it’s really just two people acting on impulse or emotion and not giving any thought to how it will affect them in the long run. That’s dangerous, because acting on what we feel right now, can hinder us later. We must learn to keep our emotions in check, and not to make long term decisions with temporary people. People who have no desire to take the relationship further than the bedroom or out to eat or whatever bare minimum they’re offering to keep you around in order to satisfy a specific need. If you don’t keep your feelings in check, you will block a blessing or blessings from coming into your life. In terms of relationships, you could block a man or woman whose good for you from coming into your life and being a blessing for you, because you’re still entertaining that “friend.” You’re still entangled. Even if you say that you’re done with that friend, are you? Or is your heart, mind and soul still connected to that individual? Do you still want to be with them even if the situationship has ended? Are you still lusting after this person? Do you feel bitter about them moving forward with their life and leaving you behind to be with someone else who wasn’t there for them like you was? Come on, let’s talk about it. We’re grown. We may be saved, but we’re also human! This is the danger that I was talking about earlier, when I spoke about how the decisions we make that are based on impulse or emotion can hinder us later on. Many people find themselves stuck in a ungodly soul tie for decades because they’ve been in this situationship with a person, doing marital things with someone who hasn’t given them any commitment. They’ve given them something that has made them feel good, but is not beneficial for them, whether it’s attention, sex, money, company or something else. Then when the person moves on, the other person is broken, confused and bitter about someone who was never theirs to begin with! You see how these “friendships” are dangerous? Think about how a person must view themselves to commit to a situation like this? Think about how they must view other people! It’s just a negative cycle of hurt people hurt people, because feelings will get involved. I can guarantee you that at least one person’s feelings WILL get involved in a situationship. It’s hard to get out of these situations, long after it has ended. Why? Because there’s an attachment there. There’s a bond there that can only be broken with God and with self awareness. You must figure out what’s going on inside of you, and what caused or is causing you to settle for a “friend” instead of preparing yourself for a life partner, because friends only treat the symptoms of a deeper issue within us, they don’t cure the problem. The problem is still there, if we don’t turn it completely over to God.
We settle for what’s comfortable and not necessarily beneficial for us because in our minds, it’s safe. It’s easier to have a “friend” than it is to have a husband or a wife. A friend usually comes with no strings attached, except when they do! (Ungodly soul ties)
We think that we can get out of a situationship whenever we want to, but that’s only physical. It’s hard to completely walk away when your mind and soul is still invested. Notice I didn’t say impossible, because nothing is impossible for God. In a situationship, you’re not really concerned about your heart being broken (at first) because you’re just, “friends.” You’re having fun, until it’s time to pay. So, before committing to a situationship (because there’s definitely a commitment involved, whether it’s given verbally or spiritually), weigh the cost. Finding someone to treat the symptom won’t fix you and committing to something that has no long term benefits won’t cure you. It’s a heart issue… address it and give it to God. There is someone out there who’s just right for you, you just need to let go of the wrong one(s), and let go of your past, and stop allowing those people/things to hinder you.
If you’ve enjoyed this, you will love my book. “One for the reason of love.” Download your copy here. ⬇️⬇️⬇️
One for the reason of love (Autographed, S&H included)
Inspirational romance novel. Work was Caroline’s life. A relationship was the furthest thing from her mind until she met a charmer named Mike. Just when Caroline decides to give Mike a shot, her ex Stacy comes back into her life and complicates things. Will Caroline spark a new fire or rekindle an old flame?
Waiting has a way of bringing out a person’s true character. An individual’s response to the wait shows them where their focus is. It also reveals what a person truly believes, especially when faced with a situation that they have no control over.
Philippians 4:6-8 New King James Version (NKJV)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
Before anxiety kicks in full force and you respond in fear, pray. When you pray, don’t worry. Go in faith, asking God what would He have you to do. Don’t take matters into your own hands and try to manipulate the situation because the consequences are worse than waiting. Sometimes, it even makes the wait longer. Trust God’s response and be at peace, even if His response is not the answer you wanted. Still know, that He is God, and although we don’t always understand what He’s doing right now, we will understand later. In John 13, Jesus washes His disciples feet. Jesus washed their feet because He was sure of Himself, His Father and His purpose. Peter couldn’t understand it. He asked Jesus, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Peter was probably thinking, this is absurd. You are the Son of God. I should be washing your feet. John 13:7, “Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” This scripture is a reminder, to trust God, even when you don’t understand what He’s doing. Why? Because God is always sure of Himself and He knows the plans He has for you! (See Jeremiah 29:11) If you read John 13:8, You’ll see that at one point, Peter told Jesus, no. “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus told Peter, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” You see, Peter needed some understanding, in order to see what Jesus was doing. When he understood, his perspective changed. But what happens when Jesus doesn’t tell us why? What should we do when we don’t understand what God is doing? We should have the same mindset as Christ. After all, the Spirit of God lives in us. So, we should be sure of our God, sure of ourselves and sure of our purpose or what God is saying to us at that time. If we are sure of who God is, it leaves no room for anxiety, because our confidence is in Him. We know that all power is in His hands. If we are sure of who we are in Christ, then we know that His love completes us, and there’s no room for fear, because His Spirit lives in us and makes us powerful. We should be sure of our purpose, because knowing that will help us stay focused on our mission. If you’re not sure of your purpose, there’s hope, so don’t be discouraged. Seek God’s will and ask Him what is it that He requires of you in this season, and those things will lead you to your purpose. The bottom line is, stay focused on Christ, and don’t allow what you go through to get on the inside of you. For more insight, click the link below… https://www.amazon.com/dp/1976360064/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_5f7pBb5JJDT3H