When you experience real love, it’s a lifelong experience and an unforgettable experience. Which is why a person’s first true love is so special. The memories stick with people for a lifetime, and for some people, they’ll continue making memories with each other for a lifetime. For others, they may lose the person, but the love is never lost. When someone loses someone that they love, it may have them thinking if they’ll ever find a love like they once had. They think of all the memories they’ve created with a past love, and they want to experience that same kind of love with someone else. For instance, a person may have enjoyed walking in the park and having romantic picnics with a previous spouse, so they want to recreate those memories with someone else because in their mind (based on their experiences with someone they loved in the past), that’s what people who love each other does. Now, you may not like walking in the park, but whatever your thing is, you associate it with love. We all have something that we associate with love, whether it’s just spending quality time, or simple things like talking on the phone everyday. Not saying, these things defines love, but because you and someone you loved, did those things, you associate love with that, and you want to do that with a potential spouse. Recently, I’ve realized, love is something that the two people in it has to make their own. Just because you and your ex enjoyed romantic picnics in the park, doesn’t mean that you have to take your future spouse to the park to prove your love to them or them to you. That was something you and your ex (who is a totally different person) did. That was y’all thing. It’s not fair to try to bring a thing of the past into your future. If you’re doing this, it means you’re not over your ex, and let me just say this, it is possible to love someone and be over them at the same time. You can love someone forever and the relationship not last forever, for whatever reasons. I think when you’re mature enough to accept that (if that’s your situation) then that’s when you’re okay to at least start dating again. When you do start dating, you must be open to creating new memories, and not recreating old ones with new people. What if your new found love, hates the great outdoors? It will crush your spirit if you associate love with picnics and walks in the park. Again, love is something that the two people in it has to make their own. You can’t incorporate what you and Fred did with what you and Derrick is trying to do. You’ll only be disappointed because again, they are two different people and the truth is, Derrick may love you differently than Fred did, but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less. It just means he loves you, his way. So, my good people, be open to making new memories and be careful with what you associate love with because that can be both dangerous and disheartening and frightening at the same time. Learn the love language of the person that you’re with. It’s really not that hard to figure out, just pay attention and please remember, just because your new love doesn’t do what your ex did (as far as expressing their love to you), doesn’t mean that they love you any less, just different. It’s also important to remember that doing the same things you did with your ex, but with someone new, doesn’t mean you’ve found love again. There are some things that common sense tells you should be done between two people that are in love with one another. Things like communicating, spending time, trusting and supporting each other’s goals. These are only a few things, but no person is one hundred percent alike, not even twins, therefore when it comes to being in a relationship, you must learn how a person’s love language. Their love language basically tells you how they communicate, support or do/say things to show their love for you. So, be open to learning how your new found love, loves. It may not be what you’re used to, but just as with any kind of love, if you both love each other the way God instructs us, it can last a lifetime.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Other scripture readings on love: Matthew 22:37-39, 1 Peter 4:8-11, Matthew 18:23-35