Let’s be clear about something, you are not obligated to stay in any unhealthy relationship. You are not obligated to “fix” someone you didn’t break, and it is not up to you to become the cure to someone else’s ailments. Real love doesn’t make you feel as if you’re obligated to stay in a toxic relationship… that’s manipulation. We all make mistakes, but if a person continuously makes the same mistakes, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s their truth.
There’s this quote by Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” It’s crazy because oftentimes, for the sake of love, we give people the benefit of the doubt. We ignore every red flag that tells us no, and we force a yes, by keeping people around longer than we should. We don’t realize that by keeping them around, it will cause the very thing we’re trying to avoid, to happen. It’s like trying to escape the inevitable.
We make excuses for their disrespect. Subscribe to their lies. Overlook their disloyalty, and although their actions causes us pain, we try to fix their problems. I believe in second chances, but I also believe in not being a fool. People are who they are. Not who you hope they’ll become. Not your idea of who they should be. Not their potential. They are who they are, right now, today.
Of course they can change, but if they aren’t making a consistent effort to change, then they’re not really interested in changing, and if a person decides to change for any other reason than it being their personal decision, that change won’t last. You can cry, fuss, cuss, fall out, pass out, or whatever it is that you do to try to get them to change, but all of it is just wasted energy and time until that person has a desire and puts in the work to make a positive change.
Please understand, you’re not to blame for a person who abuses or misuses your love, but you are to blame if you choose to stay and accept it. Staying with them, won’t fix them. Hurt people, hurt people. When you’re in a toxic relationship such as this, unfortunately you’ll be the one to suffer the consequences of someone else’s actions towards the person that you’re with; or they’ll take their very own disappointments and regrets out on you.
A toxic relationship isn’t only limited to a spouse. It could be within a friendship, between family members, etc. Listen, just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean that you have to accept all their crap, all of your life, and it doesn’t mean that you allow them to stress you out to the point of where you’re only focused on them, and not the will of God for your life. God has called us to live a life of peace (see 1 Corinthians 7:15). Also be mindful of where your thoughts are fixed. Are you worried about pleasing this person/people, or is your mind stayed on God? Don’t allow anyone or anything to become your idol. God didn’t put you on earth to try to be Him and change people. He’s God all by Himself. We can’t save people, but Jesus can (see Acts 4:12). God gave us all free will, and until that person decides to surrender their all to Him, you are fighting a losing battle. The best and only thing that you can do for a person who continuously use and abuse your love, is to pray for them. The best thing that you can do for yourself (no matter how hard it hurts) is to move forward with your life, without them. You don’t have time to entertain distractions when you have a destiny to fulfill. Don’t waste another minute trying to fix something that you have no control over. Love you first. Change what you can about yourself so that you’ll become a better person. Remember, not everything you lose is a loss. Let go in peace. God has so much more in store for you. ❤️